I forgot the second part...

Ya I know It's been a long time sense my last blog, but I've been busy... honest. Anyway I've been thinking allot lately... about allot of different things and starting to wonder about some other things. if you didn't know this last month was kinda hectic for me... partly my fault I guess. I'm a class 1 procrastinator and I hate academics with a passion... just never really found the use of most of it. I'm not a bad student I average about the mid-60's but that could be better if I really cared or tried. I always found the practical stuff more worth my while, funny I told a highschool teacher that once and she tried to convince me what we were learning was practical and worth my time... she couldn't actually prove it, so she lost the argument and allot of my respect at the time. Looking back I know I was a difficult student in highschool yet at the time I didn't see it. Now as I come to the end of the semester of my third year of post-secondary schooling with an internship ahead where I'll actually be doing practical ministry and not just learning it out of a book or through a profs experiances, I'm honestly kinda scared... I mean what if I get out there in the real world and realize what I'm doing is not me, and that I just wasted close to 30 grand and three years of my life! I know that I have a calling on my life and I'm positive that God has confermed it several times... but I'm training to be in a leadership position and I've never been comfortable being in charge. I mean even in the army I'm very happy being a"Bomber for life" (just enough responcibility to not be at the bottom of the pole but not high enough to really do much other than follow orders). I'm the backstage kinda person, doing stuff but not getting too much recognition or praise but the show couldn't go on without me, and frankly I like it that way. I think this could be due to the fact that I'm also a hands on type person, if I can see it I can work with it and figure it out, if it's more theoretical I tend to over think it and make it more complicated then it should be. If I loose you who are reading this blog, don't worry I'll probably get lost too when I read back through it. Anyway I do think I'm going into something thats right for me in many ways... I mean I love people... I like being around people and I like to learn about them, try and figure out what makes each person tick... I try and Understand them and figure out how to help them. That in some ways is what you could call my passion... helping people. when I was in highschool I wanted to be a SAR Tech, for those that don't know what that is its a Search And Rescue Technition. As I said I like helping people but I also love the outdoors, solitude, and love the thought of extreme sports. I figured that being a SAR Tech would satisfy most of those things. I would have to know how to do things like rappeling, parachuting, etc. as well as training in survival of all sorts, and medical training. Alas it was not to be as the One who has a plan for my life desided that a urban life working with youth would be better for me. Personally I don't know what one would be safer or less stressfull but thats not a dicideing factor here... to bad... Back to what I was saying nearer to the start of this not so short blog is that I'm going on an internship and I'm quite literally freaked about it... don't get me wrong I am looking forward to it with great anticipation and I'll be working with some great individuals but still the whole "what if" factor is there and ya I'm rather confused about my life. Go figure.

Oh well I think I will end there... If you have actuaally read the whole thing then you've got a rare or not so rare look into my thoughts and life. If your confused or have questions about anything with this blog feel free to comment and I will try and respond to it... so I guess I'll talk to you all later....